Wendy Wharton, Head of Family writes:
We may only be in early November, but it is never too early to plan child arrangements for the festive period. With the arrival of cold dark nights, it is becoming more apparent that Christmas is fast approaching.
Its completely natural for parents to want the experience of their child waking up with them in their home on Christmas morning. Separated parents find it challenging at the best of times to agree how to manage this after separation.
Many separated parents cannot reach an amicable agreement regarding contact, when they should be doing all that they can to give their children a wonderful experience, no matter who they are with.
Celebrating these special occasions are one of the highlights of being a parent and just because mum and dad are no longer together, does not mean that one is better than the other and that such special occasions should not be shared.
Not having an amicable arrangement, can cause distress for your children who, yes, will be at the centre of your row. In our experience such disagreements carry on way past the festive period and continue when arranging ongoing contact.
People do plan ahead and we find that this is probably the main cause of rows about arrangements. It is therefore your responsibility as parents to discuss your plans in advance to try and avoid such situations.
Who is entitled to have the children on Christmas Day?
There is currently no provision in law for Christmas arrangements. The view of the Court seems to be that children should spend quality time with both parents over Christmas and it is a child’s right to continue to have a personal relationship with their parents after separation – unless there is good reason not to. So again the advice is that parents try and reach agreement themselves.
Do bear in mind that if your child is old enough, it is very important to include their opinions in the decision-making process, so that you have their best interests at the centre of all discussions. Courts are only willing to intervene in the very last instance where all other options have been explored and still no agreement has been reached.
We advise parents to consider possible solutions such as their child spending Christmas Day with one parent and then Boxing Day with the other. This way it is almost as though the child is having two Christmas Days. A further option is to split Christmas Day up, Christmas Eve and Christmas morning will be spent with one parent and then Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day will be spent with the other parent. This could even be alternated each year. Some separated parents may have the child every year and invite the other parent to join them. We know this is not always possible however or practical.
Recording the agreement
Once you have a plan in place, the best thing to do is to put it in writing and send it to the other parent. Then if there are any subsequent issues, these can be resolved in good time before Christmas, and it should help to avoid any misunderstandings during the festive season.
In summary
Disagreements over child contact arrangements at Christmas are often emotionally charged and continue to be difficult to resolve, with the rows continuing even after the festive period has ended.
That said as long as you, as parents, are prepared to be reasonable and fair with each other and share such times, even the most heated disagreement can be resolved.
While the courts may make a decision on such matters, this is not a quick process and the decision they make may not be as you would wish.
How we can help
If the parties cannot agree, this is where we can help you work through the dispute and try to reach an amicable agreement. Contact us.