Head of Family, Wendy Wharton writes:
Sometimes this day may not be what you want it to be. For some people, the idea of Valentine’s Day is about the exact opposite. We are bombarded with advice about love and relationships. The romantic images of hearts, flowers, candy, the focus on love and couples sometimes feels particularly painful and isolating if you are going through a difficult time during your marriage or partnership.
When it’s not all hearts and flowers
Valentine’s Day can often exacerbate existing issues, acting as a magnifying glass on relationship difficulties, potentially leading to increased tension, feelings of inadequacy and even arguments due to the pressure to display a perfect romantic image. Some people may feel trapped by Valentine’s Day and the expectations that come with it. And rather than putting in effort for a relationship they do not see lasting, they cut ties instead.
If underlying problems are not addressed, Valentines Day can bring them to the forefront, causing further conflict.
If you are struggling
If your marriage or partnership is to survive this day and you are having problems, here are some tips:
- Focus on genuine connections with your partner, prioritise quality time together, have open conversations and express your appreciation for each other.
- If you are struggling and you believe your relationship is worth saving, then work on resolving deeper problems – together.
- If the pressure of Valentine’s Day is too much, choose to celebrate your love on a different day and discuss your feelings about this day openly. Agree to a low-key celebration that aligns with your current relationship dynamic.
For some Valentine’s Day can strengthen relationships. It creates opportunities for couple to re-bond, spend time together and reinforce their emotional connection.
We care
We care about your relationship and we wish you a lovely Valentine’s Day, showered with love and affection. We are here not only if your relationship breaks down, but also to guide you at the start on your road map to happiness, helping to navigate you through.
In a new relationship?
If you are starting in a relationship and looking at your future together, it may not sound very sexy, but pre marriage or partnership advice is an important way to protect that love you have for each other moving forward. Looking at what you bring into a relationship and what you take away are very important, especially if you are not going to legalise your relationship.
There are things you can do when you enter a relationship and that is where we can help. We can advise you on co-habitation agreements. These are not particularly sexy or romantic, but an agreement cements your relationship and sets down how either today, or tomorrow, you share your expectations. Those who do not do this may find it hard to negotiate later – so take the advice now and use your head not your heart.
Is a pre-nup or post-nup for you?
If you are looking at a civil partnership or marriage, consider a Prenuptial Agreement. These can address important issues – just in case the romance and love dies earlier than expected, as sadly not all relationships and marriages last forever.
Those of you who are already married or in a civil partnership have protected rights as a couple, given you have legalised your relationship. But you can still strengthen that relationship, and a Postnuptial Agreement will outline your agreement and help you both feel more secure and on the same page. This is especially true if this is not your first relationship/marriage/civil partnership and you have children from a previous relationship that you want to make sure are taken care of.
When starting a relationship, you still need to be mindful. Attention to detail is just as important then as with other things in your life. Make sure you plan from the very beginning.
You are not alone
If you are in the mist of navigating divorce on this day of love, you are not alone. Today, as we have said, may be a reminder to you that your relationship is at an end. If you need help and assistance, we can guide you through this process and help you to move forward – helping you heal from the fall out of a relationship breakdown.